Celia versus The Cat

It was just another normal day.

Except Celia had to take The Cat To The Vet's.

Just for his annual boosters, mind, nothing serious.


Darren offered to leave work early to accompany me, and I dismissed him with a wave of a hand, thanking him for his kind gesture, but, afterall, it was a routine visit, nothing could go wrong...

The appointment was for 5 p.m., and I approached it with military precision. I was planning the moves in my head as I drove home from work...grab cat, pop in cat basket, jump in car, arrive at Vets, jabs given, return home, pat on the back- job well done!


Instead:

4.45 p.m. Celia arrives home. Realises cat carrier is upstairs in back bedroom, not under stairs as she thought. Greebo the cute and loving cat follows mummy up stairs, mewing and purring for strokes, welcoming his mistress home.

4.50 p.m. Mistress rewards Greebo for his adoration with a swift "Oi oi!!" grab-action and stuffs cat into afore-mentioned cat-carrier. Greebo is totally stunned, and, for a few moments, he is actually quiet. Does not last long.

4.53 p.m. Cat+ cat carrier placed in car. Engine turned on. Cat realises he is going to one of two places

(a) Cattery
(b) Vet.

Both of which he detests. Loud yowling ensues, drowning out car radio.

4.55 p.m. Mistress no longer smug as she realises, sat at the traffic lights of Spen Corner, she can hear a large amount of liquid gushing forth from a particular cat's bladder.
It is at this point Celia thinks, "Maybe I should of made sure he'd gone to the loo before putting him in the carrier..."

4.57 p.m. Smell of urine hits Celia's nostrils and Greebo's mews of self pity are occasionally interrupted as he skids inside the plastic carrier around in his wee.


5.00 p.m. Arrive at Vet's. Owner and pet both distressed.

5.05 p.m. Vet sees state of cat. Fur soaking wet. Vet bursts into howls of laughter and empties wee out of cat carrier into his surgery sink whilst Celia scrubs bemused the frankly sodden cat down with what seems to be kitchen roll.

5.07 p.m. Worming tablet forced down cat's throat. Jabs given.



It is clear that at this point, Greebs thinks he's having a pretty crap day. But it's about to get even worse...



5.10 p.m. Seeing the state of her wee-soaked cat, Mistress has no option but to purchase ridiculously expensive cat shampoo from the now roariously laughing vet, whose diamond wit is shining with remarks such as,
" Well at least we know his bladder's alright now, eh?! ha hah ha ha "
and,
"you haven't bathed him before? Oh good luck you'll need it HA HA HA HAH"
etc etc as he waves me goodbye...

5.20. p.m. Arrive back home. Place cat carrier on kitchen side. Clear area and get out Milton disinfectants etc in anticipation of cleaning later. Read instructions of shampoo as Greebo's whines have turned into growling, inside the darkened box.

5.22 p.m. Run water. Take out cat. Try to place cat in water.


Fight for survival between woman and beast ensues.



5.40 p.m. Cat full of shampoo, now trying to rinse aforementioned feline who is giving it all he can to escape. Kitchen floor soaked. Human- soaked. Human wishes she'd waited for Darren to come home, but couldn't stand idea of Greebs licking wee off own fur. Human carries on wrestling with fitting hissing scrabbling shampoo-covered water-laden cat. Celia swings from hysterical laughter at the wet-look state of her cat, to distress at seeing just how Greebo is so stressed out. Really wishes she hadn't done this alone.



5.50 p.m. Cat now rinsed.

But it is not over.

Cat is bundled up into his own towel (to prevent further scratches to human and a pathetic attempt to towel-dry fur) and carried into livingroom, where hairdryer is ready for action.

5.55 p.m. Decide that my Vet is a lying bastard and a wind-up merchant, telling me to use a hairdryer to dry Greebo's fur. He goes spastic with the sound of the hair-dryer and I quickly drop the dryer and just try to hand-dry him. He continues to struggle away from me, and in the end, I do as much as I can, then let him escape away from me.

6 p.m. Cat now hates me- sits on other side of sofa, totally ignoring me.




6.10 p.m. Ignores blatant food-blackmail of canned tuna put down on floor.

Eyes me with amber-green globes of hatred.


6.30 p.m. Darren arrives home from work to sodden grumpy cat and soaked human female who had to change all her clothing & mop the kitchen laminate, which had more water on it than the actual sink...

6.35 Cat eats tuna...

Only because Darren puts it in front of him.

Did I mention at this point, that we were having our friend Cath over for dinner at 7.30?....



P.S. The cat is no longer in a foul mood with Celia.
But it took 5 days to forgive her...

Missing- desperately seeking part of roof...

Devestation of Blackpool...a road often used as a shortcut by me, coming home from work...

Well at least our roof isn't quite as bad as this. Although, as we type, Darren has just returned from packing part of the hole in our roof again with binliners, in an attempt to stop the rain from pouring in. Our roofer can't make it until tomorrow.

Yes, the storm damage to our house from last week- that was successfully fixed by the roofer on Monday- has been ripped off again, in the unrelenting storms that have been savaging the North West coast of England this week. Within 72 hrs of the roof being repaired, another part of the roof has been ripped off. We're in good company though- neighbours in the street are in the same predicament.

At least we haven't been left without entire roofs though, as pictures from across Blackpool & the North West show.

It is on the news that parts of Blackpool town centre are being cordoned off for at least three weeks, due to severe structural damage.
Surveyors are assessing whether buildings can be salvaged, or whether they are irrepairable and to be demolished. Blackpool town centre is a no-go zone because of the severe structural damage.


Darren & I count ourselves fortunate that we only have rain pouring through the roof to worry about.

Others have not been so fortunate. Families have been left without cars, homes, streets, even loved ones.

Nine cars crushed by the fallen tree.
A man had to cut out of the white van by the Fire Brigade. Luckily, he survived.

Images from around the county- where everyone has been hit in the worst storms in 17 years...

Ouch...

Lucky it didn't hit their house...

Yep- our house number is no. 13- lucky for some. You truely do count your blessings xxx

CT Scan- the after-effects...

Greebo- unamused at Mum's drug-dealing...

Well a quick update re: the CT Scan after-effects. As you know I had the scan on Tuesday, and sadly (and must say, unexpectedly), Tues night was a very bad night with my neck. The pain began to build around 9.30 p.m, so I had an early night, but the pain snowballed... nothing I could do- or take- would stop it. Eventually the tears were streaming down my face with the pain until, at 2.30 a.m., I ended up trying to sleep on the settee downstairs to support my neck on the leather sofa arm (bed pillows weren't enough). I fell asleep fitfully for a few hours, and then managed to drag myself into work exhausted and still in a fair amount of pain.

I gave up- I made an emergency appointment with the GP that morning (Wednesday a.m.), and after my explanation of my pain and symptoms (numbness in left hand, excruciating pain from neck down left arm into pins and needles in palms),and his examination, I have now been prescribed:

• Diclofenac: as before (anti-inflammatory)

• Kapake: as before (strong painkillers- 2 down from morphine apparently so he can't prescribe me anything stronger without consultant authority. Didn't know that GPs are only licensed to a certain level to prescribe drugs, which I found out today)

• Diazepam: (new) muscle relaxants and nerve pain inhibitor
  

• Amitriptiline: as before, but 4x my old dose, and, if required, up to 10x my current prescription -more muscle relaxants.

I could now set up a pharmacy in my own right.
Or become a soddin' dealer.
GRRR!!!
Not doin' bad for a person who HATES taking medication- even aspirin!!!

I was advised by my doctor that if was still this bad in 12 hrs time (which made me laugh, as I'd actually improved by the time he'd seen me) I was to go to Casualty at the hospital for them to use other measures to control the pain. (Thankfully, I did not need to go to A&E- the diazepam cocktail did the trick and floored both me and the pain into fluffy little cloud-world by 10.30)

He agreed with my suspicion that it was the CT scan yesterday that kicked this off, as they 'fix' your head in one position with a clamp so they can image the brain/neck without any movement for what seems an eternity.
This had obviously peed off my neck muscles and main brachical nerve (goes from neck through arm). GP tests showed 40% strength in my left hand (bad news as I'm left handed) and the pain constantly running right through my arm was really frustrating me. I was writing like a 7 year old as I couldn't hold the pen properly (but then, would anyone notice...answers on a postcard...)

• Bad news- absolutely no alcohol.

• Good news- totally banned from any exercise at all incase I have a blackout whilst swimming or jogging in the street and get run over! Not even allowed to do my yoga or pilates 'cos of the risk of stress on my neck/artery. There's always an upside!!! heh heh. Cue Dominos pizzas & size 20 clothes.
  

So I await the scan results with interest- as does my GP. I must return in 2 weeksfor ongoing assessment. I must say guys, I got a fair nasty fright Tuesday night, just very grateful it isn't like that all the time anymore. And at least now I have medicines to take the edge off the pain and relax the muscles, while I await the true diagnosis and treatment plan. Which is more than I've had before.

Storms hit Blackpool (we all like to be beside the seaside...)

Gale force waves batter the coast this morning...a mile from where we live...

Well, the weathermen did warn us to brace ourselves....but we never expected the storms to be so severe. The dreadful storms and gales hit the UK today, with trains & buses cancelled/delayed, people seriously injured and even killed all over the UK on country lanes through to the motorways.


We were warned that it would be particulary bad on the coast with gales of 80mph, but I never expected this devestation...



As featured in our local rag, the Evening Gazette, tonight:

"BLACKPOOL became a virtual a no-go zone today after storms battered the Fylde.

Roofs were ripped off, walls torn down and many roads closed as gale force winds ripped along the coast.
Some residents have had to be evacuated and Blackpool Victoria Hospital confirmed a number of people had been admitted for a range of injuries including broken bones.
The trail of destruction centred around Blackpool.
Palatine High School, South Shore (this is half a mile from where Darren and I live), was forced to close after its roof was ripped off.
The neighbouring library and sports centre were among scores of buildings badly damaged.
Many main roads were forced to close as fears grew over safety.
By 2pm council chiefs were advising people not to travel into town unless their journey was absolutely necessary.
The motorways did not escape with the M6 closed northbound between junctions 32 and 33.
The high winds are not expected to die down until around midnight tonight.
Damage reported so far includes:
* Squires Gate Post Office, Squires Gate Lane, where the gable end collapsed.
* A tree was blown down at the junction Lodge Lane/Preston Old Road. Has blocked road and crushed a wall.
* Kwik-Fit Tyres depot, Dickson Road, was closed due to damaged panel and reporting roof lifting in the wind.
* A tree on East Park Drive hit two parked cars opposite the Zoo entrance.
* A parked light aircraft at Blackpool Airport was blown by wind into parked cars.
* A 20ft high wall was blown down at Currys on Blackpool Retail Park, Squires Gate Lane.
Residents at Harrison Street in central Blackpool were evacuated from their homes after they were deemed unsafe.
Council staff have taken them to Blackpool Sports Centre."

Laugh and you go to Hell...

I shouldn't laugh....but this kills me!!! Is it the forlorn acceptance of the biddy?
Or the 'hands in pocket' of the onlooker that guiltily amuses...


answers on a postcard to:

"Granny's been drinking again",
Freepost: Crazed Drunk Granny Driver
Swinton



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